08/01/98 - 1948 (see also VNN story #1947)

A Report from Bhakti-tirtha Swami

USA (VNN) - Letter to 17 Senior Disciples of Harikesh Swami

by Bhati-tirtha Swami

I presently understand what is happening to Harikesh M. better than he understands himself. This is why Srila Prabhupada himself sent me otherwise I would prefer not to be so directly involved I theses issues. By the way I have a great problem with so called confidentiality it normally means something gets around slower and perhaps even more distorted. I feel where there is profound love one only does things that are for the benefit of others and ones beloved and therefore one is ready to live with it and stand behind whatever one says or does in any environment. This is why I am thinking at some point to show this letter that I am sending you also to His Holiness Harikesh Maharaj although he will feel I have betrayed him because I did not accept his perceptions in full.

But because I know Srila Prabhupada will intervene in the future and later in this life he shall thank me for being there when he needed me the most. So in this spirit I later will also send this letter to Harikesh M. What you all do with this report as well as what Harikesh Maharaj does is all up to each of you. For what each person does Krishna and Srila Prabhupada will hold each of us responsible. I will include my recommendations in the report.

GREATEST CONCERN

My main concern is that we all look at ourselves and at the society and try to see how to be more honest, balanced in our Krishna Consciousness and most important more caring. For the greatest issue here is a need for balance, greater intimacy and caring and ultimately more genuine Vaisnava purity and love.

Others may undergo something similar as repressed desires come up (Jagadish's case has some similarities). There are others who have gone through this extreme challenges, but not in the exact same way.
We should perhaps recognize that we as Sanyasis are like emergency workers and as guru's were like a young girl who has now become a parent she is a mother but still somewhat a child herself.

REPORT

1. Harikesh Swami is horrified of continuing a life of being alone in a room by himself.

2. Said he never before would reveal his mind to anyone.

3. Did not feel impressed with anyone's association and felt they had really nothing so significant to offer.

4. More or less tolerated people, God-brothers and disciples and everything in a utilitarian way.

5. Buried himself in the work thinking there was no need to express emotions.

6. Was never so impressed with the institution but had powerful reciprocation with the Deity, drums and later Srila Prabhupada.

7. Somewhat traumatic experience as a child i.e, other children used to laugh at his poor dressing, and he had to protect his sister from his father who tried to kill her because he was somewhat crazy from the war. He also had a poor relationship with his mother.

8. Felt jealously for the first time in his life, in an incident regarding the woman therapist (previously he did not allow himself to have deep emotions).

9. Sees himself at times as some Vishnu tattva incarnation or other specially high empowered entity far beyond his actual empowerment.

10. (A) Confuses some human desires as transcendental and builds an entire wall around such as seemingly a way to interpret and justify his repressed desires coming forward.
(B) For instance, sees the therapist Monica as being far greater that she actually is(an expansion of Radharani), as well as her son (he thinks her son is an incarnation of Srila Prabhupada)

11. He is always under some subtle attacks but has the power to withstand these attacks specially when his spiritual immune system is strong. Chittesvar helped some in the past, but has little or no value presently. Even if all sinister are stopped, his biggest problem will still remain. The black magic is not the real issue nor his poor physical health nor his poor mental health. It would be nice if we just remove a curse or bring in a psychiatrist to remove mental instability and he would be the same again, but it is more complex than this as we are dealing with more of human factor along with the other problems.

12. The woman therapist, Monica, is a very powerful entity who has a host of non manifested spiritual guides who instruct her, she is full of compassion. She was definitely sent to initially help him. She was used to saved his life. She is very good for giving care to the physical and subtle body but knows little of the soul or transcendental matters.

13. He is pushing vigorously for them to live together in a house. Previously he wanted to married her, but she is not into it as she wants her freedom but she is ready to live with him as his partner.

14. If he does join up with her the most likely thing is that after he fully recovers, either he will leave her or she will leave him, they will both have suffered tremendously.

15. Although she saved his life and is definitely a special, empowered pious being, if she was not with him (in his present state) there would probably be some other woman he would now transfer his attachment to by thinking that she is also some divine entity.

16. The reflections about a woman in his life was there before his recent collapse it seemed to be one of the factors that helped bring on the breakdown along with about 10 or more other factors of which perhaps the LOSS OF MONEY being the flame that lit the fire.

17. Since his near death experience he has lost practically all previous distinctions to past services and commitments. He is even thinking he should have a different name. He says "Harikesa Swami has died, and he as we have known him is not coming back".

MORE AMAZING OBSERVATIONS AND REALIZATIONS

1. He has not in anyway lost his attachment for Srila Prabhupada and Krsna. He says it has increased but he is not longer caught in the externals and distinctions like before.

2. He goes to the temple everyday and spends 30 minutes or more looking at the deities.

3. He is chanting many rounds everyday, feels his chanting is better than ever.

4. Has Srila Prabhupada's kirtanas tapes on 24 hours a day.

5. Is totally concerned about the welfare of the children.

6. The majority of the time when he is not very depressed or thinking to be a big Ishvara or reincarnation, he has wonderful realizations.

7. I feel that he will come out of this a more genuine and caring person with feelings who will later continue in certain big services for Srila Prabhupada. Some disciples will obviously leave him. But after the initial shock, many will be with him to assist him in his transition and later services. Several of you of the 17 I have been personally encouraging to see this as a general who is wounded. Now he needs your care and love more than ever before.

8. Disciples and the whole movement must look closer to see what Krsna and Srila Prabhupada is telling us, that this has happens to one of his top soldiers at such time. I for one am even more convinced than ever why we must have more genuine communication, more applied training, more honesty and most importantly more loving caring relations, without an acceleration in these areas, our institution ( i.e. the external international organization)_ is over.

9. One of the best ways to look at his problems is that he is like a person who sacrificed to get a Ph.D. Degree, and then once he achieved these goals he started looking back at what he gave up and what he perhaps missed and now wants to explore experiences and revisit certain concerns due to being presently unfulfilled.

10. He is empowered in so many areas, actually this problem he is facing was really things coming up for him to transcend to become a guru or even much higher orders. In other words, he and several others when being given a chance to accelerate did not always pass the test fully and therefore may experience a temporary set back. We all must have so much to come out before us, before we are finished up in this lifetime. There is often gross deep other stuff to completely transcend.
I pray that when I have my test, some devotee will be sent to help me preferably kick me through some of the last stagnation's. Or even better perhaps, one who has gone through such spiritual crisis, spiritual madness, dark night of the soul, will understand my desperation and will guide me through it.

11. Harikesh Maharaj has said that the therapist Monica and I are the only ones who understand him. If she is abruptly taken away he will commit suicide or totally withdraw. He has absolutely no desire to live without her.

12. If he feels that I have actually betrayed him he may also have a mental crises and or will take even more shelter of Monica.

13. I have helped put him together somewhat, i.e. grounded him tremendously, giving him more reason to trust and try to appreciate more his disciples and have more reason to live. However, he is very paranoid of others and can become paranoid of me, I think if I stay around too much longer. So it is important for me to maintain a relationship as his first real friend rather than Monica. I feel tha it is best for me to spend a few more days with him and then let him know I am leaving, but will stay in touch and return at some later date.

14. I feel that I did just I was supposed to do- help refocus him somewhat, help bring out more love and understanding from some key disciples and assist Monica. Now I feel that it is between him and Srila Prabhupada, i.e. for Srila Prabhupada to personally intervene.

15. Hari Sauri prabhu should come as soon as possible, since he is familiar with major aspects of the problems and they are old friends. Abhiram Prabhu should also come soon.

16. His total healing may take months or even years. I think that at some point it may be good for him to be totally away from any old surroundings. Perhaps he along with one or two key disciples could come to Gita Nagari where I have trained devotees who put caring foremost and as I have disciples who are devotees and trained therapists as well as devotee medical doctors and can see that he t good physical, psychological and spiritual care. As he also has very strong attachment to the Radha Damodar Deities there, this could be an alternative for the future. I have mentioned this to him but he seemed uninterested.

17. Today he is going in for a cancer check up so he may even have an additional problem.

18. There are many other things that I could have reported, but I feel that this report is a good balance and summary. He has requested all to stop sending negative attacks on Monica, but to accept him and her together it is the disciples choice to stay with him and not.

19. If any one needs more detailed clarification please contact Gurushakti as he is most aware of all details.

20. I have asked Harikesh Maharaj to write a message to the devotees as soon as possible.

Your servant,
Bhakti-tirtha Swami