© 1999 VNN
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USA May 17, 1999 VNN3875 Open Letter To Malati Dasi BY MAHAVEGAVATI DASI USA, May 17 (VNN) — I am submitting this letter to VNN, asking Malati prabhu to please answer it on VNN. Originally this was a handwritten letter which I gave to her on April 9th, to which she gave no reply. (I am hoping that her answer will be honest in that, sadly, I have found her dealings with me in many ways to be the opposite.) I would also like to submit a scanned in copy of Malati prabhu's final letter to me, (which she threw onto my lap during Srila Prabhupada's Guru puja, after I found out that morning that two of my Govardhana Silas had been stolen from the alter by either Malati or Yamuna, (her second in command). I present these letters for the assembled Vaisnavas to make their own judgments. OPEN LETTER TO MALATI DASI Dear Malati prabhu, 4/8/99 Hare Krsna. AGT HDG Srila Prabhupada. PAMHO I hope all is well. In light of our recent and past exchanges, I wanted to write this to you as it is easier than to attempt to sit down and try to speak with you. I refer you to the verses in SB 1.13.16-28. Although your body is not as physically bad off as Dhritarasta's, I have suggested a few times that you consider giving up the GBC position to take that time to become more absorbed in hearing and chanting and coming closer to Krsna, since this, (developing love for Krsna), is the perfection of life, and who knows how long any of us has to live. Prabhu, you are a great soul as you are using your life to serve Srila Prabhupada. This is the greatest thing one can possibly do. At the same time, a vigilant devotee is always questioning himself with regard to his heart, his surrender, his service, etc. You have taken a position as a GBC leader in ISKCON - from what you told me, you asked to be given the position, as you yourself said, you "felt that you could do something substantial." Spiritual leader means adopting the vision in BG 5.18 and knowing how to properly apply it. Sadly I feel you are not always seeing with this vision, and because of this it may cause you some difficulty in your spiritual life. I am appealing to you out of my genuine concern for you as my Godsister, and I am asking that you take these words into consideration and that you go beyond any initial reaction from the mode of passion due to false ego, but rather hear this out and think about what is being presented. As Srila Prabhupada expressed in his purport to BG 10.4, "satyam", the truth is not always palatable, but it should be spoken for the benefit of others. "'Satyam' truthfulness, means that facts should be presented as they are for the benefit of others. Facts should not be misrepresented. According to social conventions, it is said that one can speak the truth only when it is palatable to others. But that is not truthfulness. The truth should be spoken in a straight and forward way, so that others will understand actually what the facts are. If a man is a thief and if people are warned that he is a thief, that is truth. Although sometimes the truth is unpalatable, one should not refrain from speaking it. Truthfulness demands that the facts be presented as they are for the benefit of others. That is the definition of truth." If you perceive this letter to be offensive, I beg you for your forgiveness. I am not intending any offense, yet I am concerned as I am pretty sure it will cause you to become very upset. (I say this based upon past experiences). Nonetheless, I feel that I should take that risk because I do care that much for you as my Godsister. Srila Prabhupada wanted us to speak the truth with hopes that we could awaken both our own sense of Krsna consciousness, and that of another jiva. I am writing this as opposed to my trying to go to you personally because I have already had so much experience of how volatile you can be dealing on a personal level. Still, I feel it necessary to present this to you despite whatever reaction it may bring on. Despite our differences of opinion in many ways, as you know, I have always respected you for your untiring efforts to serve Srila Prabhupada in so many ways. You know that I also have great regard for your sense of fairness in your arranging that all of the ladies in your ashram get the chance to 1) go to see their respective gurus 2) go to India 3) get to go to various festivals and 4) are given so much opportunity to take the association of other senior devotees in the movement. Because I did not get these opportunities for the so many years that I was living in the temple, I especially applaud you on this sense of fairness to the ladies in your ashram. I have known you in your management capacity from 1995 in terms of your being a TP, and later TP and GBC, where you have so much influence over the lives of other devotees. I am seeing now and have seen in the past certain things in terms of how you relate to other devotees that I feel need to be addressed. The position of leader is one of great responsibility, even to the point that others look to a leader for the example that s/he sets, BG 3.21. A proper leader always has to be very vigilant in questioning and scrutinizing his own character, both on an individual basis, and in terms of working with those people Krsna has placed under her care to help them to develop their sense of love and surrender to (bonafide) guru and Krsna. The embraces, both soft and rough, that a leader gives to those devotees who Krsna has placed under their jurisdiction, must be given out of a PURE loving motive, loving, meaning from the spiritual platform of love. Since I was living in New Vrndavan from July 97, making visits to Columbus, and then moving here in August, (after you insisted that I change my plans of moving back to Buffalo), there are certain things which I myself am seeing and which other devotees who have lived here have also mentioned. ALL of these ladies, with the exception of one - I can't give the names since they have ALL asked that I keep it confidential - have come to me in great distress with regard to various interactions and situations with you. Some of them asked me for guidance whereas other ladies asked that I try to approach you and address some of their concerns. More often than not, I feel your exchanges with many of the devotees comes from a material platform of passion rather than from the spiritual platform of love. Rather than allowing the person to have any interaction with you, you will shout them down with loud words and with insulting, cutting remarks. Sometimes you have leveled false accusations in which you have made NO endeavor to find out the facts of the situation and will give NO opportunity to the person to reply. This you have also done with me. Even if the person makes any attempt to reply, you REFUSE to listen and simply shout more intensely at them. How many times you have shouted me down and REFUSED to allow me to speak after you have leveled a false accusation to me, telling me to "Shut up" when I attempted to speak. This is not the proper interaction of Godsisters, and it is not a Vaisnava way of dealing with things. Even in a non-devotee courtroom there is opportunity for discussion. Even in terms of philosophical differences, if someone other than an ISKCON leader has a different opinion than you, EVEN WHEN THEY TRY TO PROVE THEIR POINT BY SHOWING YOU IN SCRIPTURE, you REFUSE to discuss the matter if it is not 100% in line with your opinion, (sruti smrti puranadi pancaratra vidhim vina...), and you shout the person down, using your position to do whatever you want to make them feel inferior to you. When I visited Columbus in 1995, there were many nice new ladies who lived in your ashram. They were engaged very enthusiastically in serving Krsna. Now for the past several years, you have not made any new devotees, and the ladies that come, being sent by their gurus or TPs for training, have left due to frustration, even disgust - i.e.. Rebecca, Jaya Sri (Gita Nagari), Sayadina (LA), Citralekha & Padmavati (Russia), Syama (Yugaslavia), Jeanette (Germany) Mellissa (Columbus) Even a few of the girls told me that the only reason they were able to stay was because of their going to the center in Louisville. These ladies have all expressed their frustration and disgust. Mani Manjari included, although she herself has caused so many problems due to her dishonest dealings and desire to overlord over other devotees. (There are also other women who have said the same things, but I am not including their names because they are still close to the temple and I do not want to get them into trouble with you.) I have also experienced your attacks with cutting words and false accusations in which you would allow me NO reply whatsoever. (How many times when you told me, "So and so said you said..." and I asked you to bring the person into the office to get the matter cleared up, explaining that I had not said that which I was being accused of, you REFUSED to call in the person, and simply continued your shouting at me.) Why are you acting so dishonestly in that you have lied to Sesa about that July 10 meeting with BTS in which you were present for the decisions? You yourself said that you would see to it that BTS reimbursed me for my relocation expenses, and you told me to give you all of my receipts to present to him. You know what the decisions were. Why are you trying to misrepresent me to Sesa by lying to him, and why are you trying to intimidate me with your lying and shouting at me saying that 1) there was no such decision given at the July meeting that BTS should pay my relocation expenses, and 2) that you "paid my relocation expenses as 'a courtesy to the vaisnavas, BTS and MVV'" You KNOW that this is NOT true, especially since you saw ALL of the receipts. (You told me to give them all to you to present to BTS, which you never did, (as you later said so yourself. Neither did you return them to me.) You have been dishonest with me in so many ways ONLY because of your own opinion with relation to the situation between BTS and me. Why can't you at least be honest now? I have been repeatedly verbally attacked by you, (with your dragging your second in command, Yamuna, who, without using her intelligence, will also just accept things ONLY because it is coming from you), being given no opportunity to answer unless I try to shout over your shouting. I am sick of being forced into having to deal with situations in which you try to intimidate me with your various false accusations which you NEVER bother to properly check out, your cutting words and loud shouting. I am NOT one of your bhaktins, but rather a Godsister, who, due to your asking, I came here. I am also paying rent as an independent tenant, although I am rendering service for the temple. To be honest, this interaction is NOT inspiring me in the least to want to continue in my rendering of service. It has a very opposite effect. Prabhu, I honestly do not understand why it is you have lied to Sesa prabhu. At one point I attributed various things to possible dementia that may be there due to your previous activities when you left the movement, (since I saw you and gave you prasadam in Tompkins Square Park in 87 when you were taking heroin). At this point, I do not know if you are as innocent as I was trying to give you credit for. I now think that you are purposefully lying, having been caught up in the politics of ISKCON leadership. I think you should extricate yourself before you dig yourself into a hole of offenses. It is one thing when Krsna told Maharaj Yudhisthira to lie, but it is another for you to make that decision to lie without Krsna telling you to do it or sanctioning it. Krsna told M Yudhisthira to lie for the GOOD of Krsna's BONAFIDE devotees. Nor are you on the level to make judgments about matters to which you are not a witness. BTS DID have a falldown. I KNOW what happened because I was there to see it. You do not know ANY of the facts of the matter, and to THINK that you do shows your LACK of intelligence. And yes, BTS did PURPOSEFULLY steal laksmi from me which he KNEW was specifically slated for my Deities, and there was a lot more laksmi stolen. He also PURPOSEFULLY left me in illegally in Africa taking my passport and laksmi. You do not know, and yet you dare to come up with your own CONCOCTED conclusions about the matter and make your own foolish judgments. Even in a non-devotee court, the judge tries to find out the facts before passing sentence. I feel, (even from what the women themselves have told me), that you have driven out many women from this ashram due to your insensitivity and harshness. Why is it that you don't have any women joining despite all of the efforts made to get ladies to join? It seems that the only ones who are able to stay now are those ladies who have lived in family situations in which their relationship with their mother was very dysfunctional; this includes your second and third in command, Yamuna and Dolayatra. They are looking for and are hoping to find the approval in you that they could not find in their biological mothers. I am not saying that you do not have good qualities. Materially speaking you are a good manager. The bills get paid and things are maintained nicely. I have also spoken about your other good qualities earlier. You have the potential to be a wonderful leader for younger women to look up to, but if you want to take that role, then there are things you have to work on. You must begin by softening your heart - stop being so harsh; stop making judgments and condemning innocent people in which you have NOT found out the actual facts of the matter, yet come to some WRONG conclusion; get out of the politics. It is NO good. (Look at the problems Kaikaya caused when she was so improperly influenced, and didn't bother to go and find out the facts.) I finally got to see a more in depth picture of your mentality, (although I was SO SHOCKED by your lack of compassion, hard heartedness, and insensitivity), when you made your comments to me about the gurukulis who have been so viscously molested and abused. You said "It was 'their karma'". You even went so far as to say, "They 'deserved' it. Their speaking out about it and the devotees who did it is even worse than the act," and you went on to condemn these Gurukulis for speaking out publicly about the atrocities. Maybe you are thinking of the incident with Dharma and Kali in SB 1.17.18-20, in which Dharma would not identify the perpetrator, but even from that section we see that Maharaj Pariksit was ready to kill the offender. As a leader it is your DUTY to protect Krsna's devotees, not to uphold and defend the perpertrators. (No, I am not saying to kill them, but to take the position you are taking of condemning the children I feel is pretty sick. Go look at the SB and other scriptures. Look at the Manu Samhita.) I can't imagine Srila Prabhupada, Maharaj Pariksit or Maharaj Yudhisthira writing off these acts as "karma" or condemning the Gurukulis for speaking out. In Vedic times when someone was wronged, they went to the ksatriyas to seek protection. THAT is scriptural. The leaders were PLEDGED to give protection. Instead you condemn the wronged person for speaking the truth. (I wonder if Krsna would take your view.) Maybe you should go to a counselor or a psychologist who deals with these matters to see how these things can cause such trauma in a person. You may be on that level that you would be totally unaffected by something like this, but I don't know that so many of us are on your level of advancement. Even Srila Prabhupada said in a purport in CC, that the heart is like a clay pot, and once broken, it is difficult to mend. WHAT TO SPEAK ABOUT SOMEONE BEING VISCOUSLY MOLESTED AS A CHILD. THAT IS NOT SO EASILY FORGOTTEN. Srila Prabhupada also accepted some of the views of modern day psychology in that he sent his own son to a psychiatrist at one point. I think before you make any more of these assessments and statements you should go to someone who is experienced in these matters who can educate you to the reality of the long-term affects of child molestation. Just in general, a Krsna conscious leader is possessed of empathy and compassion. How else can s/he inspire and assist others in their development in Krsna consciousness? After all, the process is NOT mechanical. I think you should consider these points. Malati prabhu, I know you will not like this letter. Most people do not like to hear the truth. Even Srila Prabhupada quoted a Bengali saying, "When one tells lies, everyone is enchanted, and when one tells the truth, he is beaten with sticks." I am still trying to see what I hope is the innocence in you and I am trying to appeal to that. Life is very short. Get out of the politics and lies. Leave that to your Godbrothers who want to deal in such messes. It does not become you. You have a lot more potential than that. I am begging that you consider these words. When I saw you in 1987, I cried to Srila Prabhupada and to Krsna to bring you back. I cried to Them for years, even when I went back to Africa. When I was informed that you were back in the association of devotees, I was so happy that Srila Prabhupada saved you from your coma and granted you a lengthened life. DON'T become enamored or bewildered with position, name and fame; it is NOT these things which can purchase Krsna. trinad api sunicena... It is only through humility and love that we can purchase Krsna. ye me bhakta jana partha... sadhavo hrdayam mayam... Krsna loves His devotees and it is only through Their mercy that we can approach Him. Prabhu, get out of the politics; it will kill your spiritual life. DON'T get sucked into Maya's web. Prabhu, I am planning to leave Columbus. I never wanted to come here because of your already harsh dealings with me based upon your own misconceptions, but out of respect for you at your insistence, I gave up my own plans to accommodate to your desire that I come. I feel I can no longer deal with such a repressive situation that you force me into, your unfair chastisement of me, your dictatorial mentality, and now your PURPOSEFUL lying. It is proving detrimental to my endeavors to develop Krsna consciousness. Thus I will be leaving before the end of May. I am planning to go to a chiropractor in NYC, and as I told you before, I am planning to go to see Narayan Maharaj. Believe it or not, it was your and Yamuna's blasphemy of him, (and your lies about me), that have inspired me to go to find out for myself if Narayan Maharaj is indeed the "demon" that you two make him out to be, or if he is indeed something else, since I have also heard very wonderful things about him. Thus I will go and make my own judgment. (You have certainly made so many WRONG judgments about me, so why should I accept your statements about Narayan Maharaj? Sadly, you have also PROVED yourself to be dishonest when you out and out lied to Sesa.) If Narayan Maharaj is indeed not the nefarious personality that you make him out to be, I certainly do NOT want to be a party to the unlimited offenses that are being made to him through your and Yamuna's words. I can NOT simply go by your words based upon my own experience with you. I also do not trust everything all of our ISKCON leaders say as I know that some of them are not honest. I myself have experienced this directly with BTS, you, Romapada M and others. I do not want to be included in your offenses. If the check turns up, (since Yamuna said it got lost), then that will cover May's rent since I paid my April rent a second time in cash. I will leave before the end of May, but you can keep the rent as a donation. I am begging you for any and all offenses made if I have indeed made any. I hope that we can discuss this letter in a Godsisterly way. I have written it not with any intention to offend, but rather to point out that which I feel needed pointing out. Despite the nature of this letter, I see your sincerity. It is that which made me write the letter. A good person is worth saving. Please get yourself out of this viscous well of politics and instead immerse yourself in hearing and chanting. Take advantage of it while you can. Dhrtarastha saved himself through the words of Vidura. I hope you can also save yourself. Please be well. I remain your servant, Mahavegavati Dasi Comment on this story | Contact VNN about this story | Send this story to a friend
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