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USA January 16, 1999 VNN2861 See Related VNN Stories My Own Brothers BY JAHNAVI DD USA, Jan 16 (VNN) — Dear Pada and Other devotees, Publications, and of course Raghu, I have read Raghunatha's report and response to ISKCON Journals publication on child abuse in ISKCON. Raghunatha is my good friend and big brother. However, when he says "Here is the response from the 2nd generation", he speaks for himself and those he speaks with. I do not feel the same on many of his points of which some are Inquirer style reporting and some factualities off. However, I would agree on these points. Raghus's newsletter did begin the reconnection of brotherhood amongst our youth. His newsletter was from the heart and published the candid feelings of all our youth. After the break up of most live-in-gurukulas in the beginning to mid 80's, most were in shock, and in our mid teens now in karmi schools we were searching for an identity as we were ripped from one life and placed in another. His newsletter reminded us of our bond. I also believe as does he, that the youth were misjudged and ostracized on many levels not just by the leaders but by many sincere, yet ignorant devotees throughout the world. Although newsletters were the catalyst, it was the beginning of the chain of events which have lead us to where we are in child protection and other reform groups existing today. Progress has continued to evolve slowly and with hesitation and fear of the unknown, but there are so many sincere devotees who continue to persist and defy the silence which is usually easier than knowing the horrific truths. I also agree when Raghu says that our priorities should be on the youth in our society. Our children are, and forever will be, the future of the world. If we want a functioning, stable and peaceful society we best get our priorities straight and this goes for both ISKCON and society at large. Having said that, I would like to address these points in difference to Raghus opinion. Of course my opinion is just that, mine. On a personal note, please know that as gurukula experiences go I was one of the severely abused kids of which people refer to. I know the pain of emotional, and physical torture along with being left in a coma for three weeks. I know the daily pain, dysfunction and torment of having been abused and all the baggage that brings. I go to counseling every week after which I go to the chiropractor and massage therapist to get rid of the stress and bodily health repercussions which I attribute to my abuse. I am divorced from the father of my child as he also was severely sexually abused in gurukula by a sanyassi. The aftermath of dysfunctions created by having our security, peace of mind, love and innocence ripped form us created a situation that was not a functioning marriage. We had a son who now suffers the domino affect of our abuse. That is my pain and I know it inside and out and I want to try to do everything in my power to rectify it for others and make sure my son will never feel that, yes, I want to use that as a powerful tool to affect change. I have no agenda other than helping all those who suffered and making sure none of our children suffer as we did. This is my heart and soul. I eat, sleep, and breath this mission. I have a five year old son and his love and my pain drives me. On another level, my major in college was psychology. Personally, I have a less harsh view of basic human nature than some. Besides the horrific out right abuses perpetrated on our youth, when I see societies general dysfunction I do not always attribute those actions to premeditated, calculated, enjoyed damage to others. Guilty of carelessness and not doing one's duty, yes. The pain and damage may be the affects of dysfunction, but not in all cases the fore thought. I also do not believe that all those who are seeking change are spurred by only their agenda. Example: Raghu suggests that the Ritviks have a political agenda while using the abuse issue as a weapon in that. Fair enough, but is that the whole story? While human nature is such that we all have a personal agenda on some level, otherwise we would all be doing selfless service, everyone is spurred by some internal belief that is sincerely believed. I tend to believe that many genuinely do care. I believe this of all our devotees, Ritviks, GBC, management etc. I think the real problem is ignorance and the desire to stay that way. Let the devotees with the passion for such subjects enlighten the rest. Of course many have there own styles, but that is diversity for you. While we may not all like how one side or the other expresses their opinion, this seems to keep things moving. The first key to change is knowledge. Ignorance is stubborn but that does not always mean that one does not care. We just have to attack that ignorance from another angle. That is my theory. From there, sincere devotees will do the right thing and of course the key is to use our common sense. Srila Prabhupada was big on that. I think devotees are coming to that conclusion more and more. We came to the movement with complicated personal agendas and we made the implementation of the philosophy that way. Let's get back to basics. Anyway, I can go on talking forever, as I have an opinion on most everything, as does everyone else it seems, so I'll stick to what I know. Therefore let me go back to child protection and to the 1996 GBC meetings and to Children of Krishna. I was there, I was in pain and angry and I was one of the 10 youth who sat on the panel and relayed my experiences. Raghu was not there and I do not agree with his presentation of the facts. I can not say that the GBC was not told that they only had so many chances but that was not the presiding mood. The stories told were sober, and full of pain and in outreach for caring. Though we were shocked, that is what we got. Out of 150 men, not one eye was dry. Every man in the room was guilty by way of not making it their business to make sure this had not happened, but at that moment of knowledge there was real sorrow. Anuttama never stood up. Sridhara swami and Bhakti tirtha swami stood and said, "I can only do one thing that I learned from Srila Prabhupada right now." He paid full obeisances. then Sridhara maharaja said "Let's begin to put our money where our mouth is." He began a pledge drive. These were donations from all devotees present from their own pockets. There may be accompaning Institutional concerns with this isssue but there always has been. Realizing the truth, the sincere devotees hearts were sofftened and that is where change can begin. That was the beginning of Children of Krishna (CKI). CKI however, is not an ISKCON organization. It answers only to its donors and constituents, the youth. It is an independent organization. We do not give reports to anyone but the above and we have never received a dime from the GBC as an organized entity, only from individuals who care, from devotees all around the world. Currently being our Managing Director, our original director no longer managing, we have cut our expenses 80%, (See financial overview below.) I speak with hundreds of youth a month who appreciate and depend on Children of Krishna, it's support, and grants. Being a youth myself the mood of our CKI office reflects that. We have seven devotees on our Board of Directors and four are youth. We keep the majority for a reason and it works. As far as who is responsible, I see it as everyone's responsibility to help. From Raghu's newsletters,to Children of Krishna's work, there has been brought about such awareness that the Office of Child Protection was also formed. This office is helping verify and rectify past abuses, help the victims, and establish prevention policies for the future. Of course this can never go fast enough, but I resent anyone saying that the devotees behind it have any other agenda than that. Institutional reasons may also be there, but the devotees in the office are sincere and work day and sometimes nights in this quagmire that was ISKCON's second generation experiences. Beyond our offices, I feel all adults are responsible on some level for the tragedies of the past. Despite victimization on many levels in the past, our children are the real victims. They were not in a position to protect themselves. If everyone did something to help there would be a grand support system for our youth. This is needed to help our youth help themselves. I also beleive that even our youth have a responsibility to help themselves. We are now adults, the same age as our parents when most abuses and dysfunctions were perpetrated and we should now break the chain. I believe in personal responsibility on all parts. The world would be a much better place if we all concentrated on ourselves as much as on others. Maybe I am idealistic but I am trying. Believe me, my ex husband and I were bitter when we divorced, but we share our son with love so that he may not suffer as well, and have actually come to be good friends. We know we are good people but were just in pain and not the same. However we muster our resources and are breaking the chain so that at least one little boy has a happy family and will grow up with one less handicap. This has been hard but done with selflessness. Everyone has problems but if we begin to see at least some sincerity we can really capitalize on that and change the world. I am forever frustrated seeing devotees discourage each other. Of course I am not naive enough not to know that there is always the fight between good and evil in Kali yuga, but we should not get stuck thinking that is all there is. I did not feel that was Prabhupada's mood. Ultimately we will be fighting the fight so hard, we will forget about our own spiritual progress and there goes our life. What good then was our fight. Everyone was so busy fighting that we all took birth again to the same mess. Fight a good fight but do not get so caught in it that you forget about compassion, sincerity, and trust. So who wants to join the "Take personal responsibility club"? There are so many venues now a days. Pick one and really make a sacrifice towards it. Having said all that, below is CKI's financial for last year. I will send out more info and all the grants given so you can see who we have helped, but for now here it is. Also below, please read the obituary of Nimai dasa, who committed suicide last month. Let's all think about the pain this boy went through and how we can take responsibility to help as well as make Prabhupadas movement a place where our youth can take shelter. Miscellaneous note on Anuttama: Despite one's complaints, he has given over $40,000 of his personal money from his families business in the last three years to CKI, the Office of Child Protection and other youth projects. How much have we given? Also, despite some devotees feelings on Svavas, and addressing Raghu's point, CKI did profile him and the North American BBT in our last newsletter as having contributed both their energies, resources and support of our youth in various forms. Yours truly, Jahnavi dasi 1998. Children of Krishna Financial Statement Grants 24,289.34 Outreach (costs incurred reaching out to donors and applicants such as phone, postage, newsletter, etc.) 4,572.58 Support (costs incurred in supporting our CKI office, such as secretarial, utilities etc.) 9,391,97 Total: $38,253.89 Total income in: 39,242 Our operating bills are quite low and fixed, so the more laxsmi that is received the more that goes to our youth. This is our life, fundraising and grant giving. ------------ Nimai Bhakti Pralad Dasa aka: Das - A Child of Krishna - Died 12-13-98 Nimai, better known as Das amongst his friends, hung himself from the Broadway Bridge in Portland, Oregon in the pre-dawn hours of Dec. 11, 1998. His soul left his body during the hour of Nrsimha on Dec. 13, 1998. He was 26 years old. Das was a shy trusting and loving young boy who became a victim of the most degrading and hideous act of our society, child abuse. He suffered under the those who, poised as devotees and his teachers, took away his trust, security, peace of mind and innocence. Let us understand the pain that these children have endured and open our hearts with love and support so that they can overcome the adversities and pain in their lives and learn to trust Srila Prabhupada, His devotees, and the true meaning of the Krsna conscious philosophy. In humble respects and sorrow, Children of Krishna has aided the family in the costs for his cremation. $1,627. Let us all do what we can to assist our youth. Das's mother is Karunaayee and has written this heart felt letter. It will touch one's heart and give you a painful look at the devastating effects of child abuse. Dearest Children of Krishna and of my Guru Maharaja, I cannot tell you how comforted I feel by the care you are giving one another in the aftermath of our debacle. Prabhupada told us a zillion times over, "just use your common sense," but he couldn't quite grasp that we more or less had none... we were the several thousand stooges when it came to common sense... and even when He'd lay it out in simplest language we'd let it in one ear and out the other. Not always and not all of us always, but way too may of us and way too often. Yet from the junk heap of our more innocent cluelessness and the out and out crimes some of us perpetrated upon you, you have scraped away the crud and revealed the precious jewel of your own love for one another. We can fall at your feet through all eternity and it will go for naught but that somehow you redeem us with your grace. How may I tell you what it truly means to me to see you cover your brothers back and take care for him that he should go with dignity and ease for all his family from this sad old Marga Loka wherein my own brothers, entrusted with his care, turned upon him with cruel fangs and claws - tearing away his very childhood, turning it to a nightmare too horrible to be borne. Let one honest tear for him fall from the eyes of my brothers who did this to him and I shall forgive: my own gnawing guilt makes it impossible to do otherwise. See Related VNN Stories | Comment on this Story This story URL: http://vaishnava-news-network.org/usa/US9901/US16-2861.html
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