08/11/98 - 1995

"Lost Offering" To Srila Prabhupada

USA (VNN) - by Somaka Swami,

This offering of mine was "lost" by Dravida Prabhu and therefore not included in the Vyasa-puja book to Srila Prabhupada.

VYASA PUJA FOR SRILA PRABHUPADA

Dear Srila Prabhupada
Please accept my most humble obeisances at the dust of your lotus feet. It is very difficult for a conditioned soul as I am to properly glorify a liberated mahabhagavata.

The only thing I can do is to glorify your transcendental power. On this most auspicious day of your appearance I want to thank you for being so powerful.

If a disciple transgresses the Guru's order he becomes spoiled, so for sure I am spoiled from long time but despite that I am still hanging around and doing service, chanting my rounds, struggling to follow your order, and that it is all due to your divine power.

I am certainly spoiled, I became spoiled in 1978 in Barcelona, Spain when I noticed Bhagavan das putting on chadar in front of a mirror evidently seeking to look like you, going in morning walks imitating you. He was completely different few weeks ago, before the annual GBC meeting in Mayapur.

I thought "he is imitating, he is on a trip", but immediately I regretted and said to myself "you damn envious, he is empowered by Srila Prabhupada" so I kept silent; I also entered the trip that 11 were empowered by you and whoever disagreed was enemy of your movement.

So when after few months my godbrother Pramana Swami came to Spain and started to accept disciples, attempting to take few devotees from the temple, from every corner of the world they where phoning me up saying: "he is a demon, he is against Srila Prabhupada's movement". When Pramana Swami asked Bhagavan to be able to preach in half of Spain, he replied: "I give you half of my foot".

I continued on the trip "the 11 are empowered and whoever is against is against Srila Prabhupada".

So when the anxiety of seeing devotees going away and the temple stability increasingly in serious danger, I broke a thread and cursed Pramana Swami "you will fall down" at that point, having cursed a Vaisnava I became completely spoiled.

For sure I have no power to curse but surely the curse has come back to myself and I am struggling to go on. So many other time I noticed wrong-doings but I kept silent keeping the trip "the 11 are empowered and whoever is against is against Srila Prabhupada". In that way I cheated so many devotees; actually I cheated myself making so many mistakes and becoming spoiled.

So here I am now a spoiled son of yours, full of anxiety, full of problems due to my mistakes, but thanks to your transcendental power I am still hanging around. I have made mistakes so many times but you are so merciful that you do not give me up.

I remember in 1974 when you visited Rome an old lady that every day was giving me a rose to offer to you asked me a question "is your spiritual master making miracles?" I replied "certainly he makes miracles, he made me a devotee". Day after day I am witnessing the same and ever great miracle despite my being a spoiled son you do not give me up.

What a rat -as I am- can possibly say to glorify you? I can just say you are so great Srila Prabhupada, your mercy is so unlimited that you have not given up on me.

I thank you very much Srila Prabhupada for not having given up on me.

Your most fallen son
Somaka Swami