04/26/98 - 1767

Ex-Guru's Apology Not Good Enough

USA (VNN) - by Bhaktivaiduyra Madhava

Thursday, April 23rd, 1998

Dear Devotees of ISKCON,

Please accept my humblest apologies. Somehow or other, over the past years, I allowed arrogance, feelings of superiority and a tendency to fault-find to slowly grow up in the devotional garden I was so hopefully trying to create in my heart. The worst of these--fault finding, finally raised its head and smote me hard. Maya laid a snare for me, into which I tumbled, seemingly against my will, even though I saw the consequences.

The result was a dreadful and heinous spiritual falldown for me and the offense of disobeying the spiritual master, sinning on the strength of the holy name, and offending a vaishnava. As a result, my spiritual life is completetly obstructed and there is no hope for my spiritual salvation at this time, perhaps not for many lifetimes to come. I therefore voluntarily relinquish all position in ISKCON and withdraw myself from the association of ISKCON devotees. I will continue chanting and praying against all odds that in some distant life I can again have the much valued association of Srila Prabhupada's followers.

Let my misfortune and the hellish suffering my heart is going through serve as a warning to all nice devotees and friends of ISKCON to avoid arrogance, pride and faultfinding. All glories to Srila Prabhupada. All glories to Srila Prabhupada's movement. All glories to your devotional service.

Please do not lose faith in ISKCON becuase of my failure. I am only one, and a very unfortunate one at that. Srila Prabhupada is for real, his books are true, and his followers can help you on the way back to Godhead. By my own foolishness I commited a blunder which has caused me to fall off the ship so I am now floundering in the ocean of birth and death. Yet I know that as Vaishnavas your compassion can extend even to one like me. This hope will keep me afloat for lifetimes, until you rescue me from my suffering. Then I will have the opportunity to render you the humble service I wasn't able to in this lifetime.

The most fallen soul, (signed)
Bhaktivaiduyra Madhava [formerly Rohini Kumar Swami]

Editor's note: The ex-swami addresses his apology to "ISKCON devotees". He does not apologize to the countless Prabhupada disciples that have been driven out of ISKCON because they felt that he and others were not qualified to be diksa gurus in ISKCON. He also "politically" evades the true cause of his falldown - the premature, unqualified accepting of the guru position, as described in the revealed scriptures.