02/20/98 - 1630

My Guru My Life

USA (VNN) - by Damodara das

My name is Damodara das and I want to share my heartfelt experience of my association with my spiritual teacher, Gaurahari das. I met Gaurahari das in Mayapur, India about six months ago at the ISKCON (Hare Krishna) temple. At that time, I had never heard of Mayapur, ISKCON, Srila Prabhupada, Lord Caitanya, or the Vaisnava tradition. At that time, I was a devotee of Sri Ramakrishna, or Vedanta philosophy, and I never had any contact with worshipping Krishna. I had an attraction to Bhakti-yoga and I enjoyed chanting different mantras very much, but my understanding of Bhakti, or the path of devotion, was very limited. My worship of God was very splayed out and included many different faiths and concepts of what it means to awaken love of God. I thought that all spiritual paths were the same and the goal was the same for every path, but this conception certainly did not give me any freedom or relief from a life that centered around sense pleasures and attachments.

When I arrived at the ISKCON temple in Mayapur, India, I had a strong attraction to the Krishna deities and I really enjoyed the chanting of the Hare Krishna Mantra, but it was very clear to me that the Hare Krishna movement was not my scene, or tribe. I also had a strong attraction to Srila Prabhupada and I sincerely felt that this man did, in fact, know God. I was so fascinated with the story of Srila Prabhupada and his mission, that I couldn't read His biography too late in the evening, or I had great difficulty falling asleep. I instantly felt that no man could do what he did without having a very intimate connection with God. However, I was still not prepared to leave my worship of Ramakrishna, or Vedanta, and I felt a constant pressure from the aggressive preaching tactics of the ISKCON, Hare Krishna devotees. I felt like the two weeks I stayed there was enough and I was ready to move on to south India when I met Gaurahari das in a restaurant called Govinda's.

I have also developed a profound appreciation for the teachings of Jesus Christ. I feel like my association with Gaurahari das has enabled me to understand the Bible in a very profound way. I am directly experiencing many of the things that Jesus talked about in the Bible. The Bible used to be just words on a page before, but now I feel like I am truly experiencing many of the same trials and tribulations that Jesus' disciples faced 2000 years ago. Like one of Jesus' disciples said, " I don't want the scripture to be carved in stone, I want it to be written in my heart." This is just what I feel like, the Vedic scriptures, and the Bible, have begun to be written in my heart. I am truly relishing the Bible now, because I can now understand the nature of Jesus Christ through my association with Gaurahari das. I have witnessed a wide range of spiritual emotions from Gaurahari das, and this has enabled me to understand the transcendental moods of Jesus Christ, as well as Srila

I feel like Gaurahari das has truly illuminated the world for me and allowed me to see things in a new and powerful light. Very quickly in his association, the world started to look distinctly different, and I began to be able to perceive through the veil of illusion that I mistook as so wonderful just days before I met Gaurahari das. I now understand that my entire life before I met Gaurahari das was simply based on sense gratification and "killing time." I was not pursuing real love in my life, rather; I was satisfied with just easing my pain enough so I could carry on in this confusing world. I had an unrealistic fantasy of what real love was, and I never would have found that love in this world, because it simply did not exist. Several days each week, I used to be overcome with a feeling of complete emptiness and despair, where the world looked meaningless. I felt like I had to grasp so tight onto material things in my life, because there was nothing real to hold onto.

The teachings of Gaurahari das are so simple and practical, especially for Westerners. Very early on with Gaurahari das, I had the feeling that his teachings were so clear and complete. There is a wonderful integration of Western psychology with the pure teachings of the Vedic scriptures, as well as chanting of the Hare Krishna Mantra. The psychology and release work we do here just happens spontaneously as we hear and chant about the glories of the Lord. So many paths nowadays just focus on the pure nectar of spiritual love, without addressing our human needs as different shadows within us come into our awareness. That is what is so complete about this association with Gaurahari das, because our human feelings are not stuffed down in attempt to be artificially spiritual. No, we are all honest and open about what we are feeling here, and these needs are addressed during the process of developing spiritual love and devotion.

It is a very delicate process to access feelings of spiritual love. I now understand how much we need a real spiritual master to lead us to the incomparable treasure of love of God. I really felt like I was making spiritual progress before I met Gaurahari das, but I was really just trying to lick a closed jar of honey, with no understanding of how to open the jar. Gaurahari das knows and has experienced the traps on the spiritual path, and he can clearly point out the way for anyone who will just believe in his message. The key is that he is profoundly tasting love of God, and this is why he can share this with others. One does not have to artificially renounce anything, or have blind faith. One only needs to be open and inquisitive, and trust their own feelings and experiences. I could never have given up my old life to associate with Gaurahari das, had it not been for very powerful personal experiences and spiritual "tastes."