11/23/97 - 1271

Letter From Bhagavata Das

USA (VNN) - The following was posted on PADA recently:

[PADA] "Seems that a devotee named Bhagavata dasa gave a lecture in Alachua a few weeks ago, on Srila Prabhupada's departure ceremony, and he started crying, stating that Tamal had said to him that it was quite acceptable for Srila Prabhupada to leave the planet [when Prabhupada was still here.]"

Bhagavata dasa's reply to this report:

My dear Prabhus,

PAMHO! AGTSP! 

I read your article about my lecture on Srila Prabhupada's disappearance day in your newsletter on the web.  This story is not just now being revealed it was widely circulated at the time it happened in either the BBT newsletter or some newsletter that was being printed at the time about what was happening to Srila Prabhupada.  Srila Prabhupada spoke to us saying that Krishna told him (Srila Prabhupada) he could stay or he could go, it was up to him.  I was in the room at that time and at this point Tamal Krishna was brought in (I think at Srila Prabhupada's request) from his office outside of Srila Prabhupada's room.  Srila Prabhupada again said that Krishna told him he could stay or he could go so I am asking you what do you want should I stay or should I go. 

At this point some discussion took place between Tamal and Srila Prabhupada.  In this discussion Srila Prabhupada made it clear that Krishna had left it up to him to decide whether he should stay or he should go and Srila Prabhupada wanted to know what we wanted, whether we wanted him to stay or go.  The question was a general one for all of us but it was being directed at Tamal. Neither Tamal or anyone else gave a definitive answer then Srila Prabhupada instructed us to go into the next room (Tamals office) and discuss amongst ourselves and decide.  When we went into the next room (I was in the room) there were several devotees that expressed their desire for Srila Prabhupada to stay. 

What I then remember was Tamal Krishna offering his opinion on what he thought Srila Prabhupada was feeling.  Tamal said he felt that Srila Prabhupada felt that he was in pain and discomfort, that he had completed most of his work here, and that he now wanted to return to Krishna.  Some devotees began to agree with Tamal and then Kirtananda came in. He was the one who pointed out that what Srila Prabhupada really wanted was to know how much we really loved him and wanted him to stay and guide us.  Kirtananda was appointed to request Srila Prabhupada to stay and there was a tearful scene at Srila Prabhupada's bedside where Kirtananda made his request and after some discussion Srila prabhupada asked if we all felt the same way and everyone responded that they wanted him to stay.  At that point it was as if Srila Prabhupada rose from the dead.  He sat up in his bed and began asking for prasadam and acting as if he were recovering rapidly.  This is what I spoke about on Srila Prabhupada's Disappearance day.  I was crying because I felt ashamed of myself and everyone else that we even had to hesitate for an atomic fraction of time to consider the matter.  

Tamal was the person with whom Srila Prabhupada was talking most directly during this exchange.  He was Srila Prabhupada's secretary and the leading devotee.  We all looked to him for guidance as to what to say or do with Srila Prabhupada.  Neither Tamal or anyone else burst forth immediately with that unadulterated love for our Guru Maharaj begging him to stay with us.

When I look back on this incident and reflect upon its many complexities I cannot help but think that the most pain Srila Prabhupada must have suffered that day was the spiritually emotional pain of waiting to see if the disciples he had sacrificed everything for to save their eternal souls even wanted him around anymore. 

There must be a copy of the original newsletter sent out to all the devotees if someone could get it and you or VNN or both could print it I think we would all profit from reading it.  I am recounting it here for everyone so that you can get a more accurate idea of what I said then what has been quoted here.  I would also appreciate an opportunity in the future to edit any statements attributed to me before printing them thank you.

Your Worthless Servant
Bhagavat Das

(end letter)

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