09/01/1998 - 2104

Second Meeting With Harikesa

Germany (VNN) - by Jayapataka Swami (from COM)

Subject: My Second Meeting With Harikesa Maharaja on August 25th, 1998

Camp: Written at: Arbenteur, Germany. Sent out from: Sridham Mayapur.

My Dear devotees and disciples of Harikesa Maharaja,

Please accept my best wishes. All glories to Srila Prabhupada!

I met Harikesa Maharaja again on August 25th, 1998 at 12:30PM. He was in abit of a rush, and I was late for the appointment. Although he said hedidn't have much time in the end we discussed again for two hours. Thistime he was in a better mood. He thanked me for honestly saying what he feltwithout distorting things. I think this won his confidence that I didn'tgive a spin on what he was saying and simply repeated it as it is. Hegrabbed my hand and thanked me. Mind you I am just explaining what happenedbelow. When I describe what Harikesa Maharaja told me it doesn't mean thatI believe or endorse it necessarily nor that I don't endorse it. When Igive my own opinion I mention it is my opinion. Otherwise I state it is histelling me something. I am just telling things as I heard them. I am notchanging that. As far as what my realizations about this visit were, apartfor one paragraph, I haven't gone into that here. So please don't take myrepetition of his statements as any kind of personal endorsement from me.This isn't everything that transpired, but some highlights are given below:

1. He asked me what the Radhadesa meeting was about. I told him I got therelate, but basically they were informing his zones leaders about thingsrelated to him. I informed him that I had also informed those present thethings he told me in our first meeting. I mentioned that Akhandadhi Prabhuhad glorified him for taking a leading role prior to his collapse in thecampaign against child abuse, woman abuse and similar things. How theymissed his leadership which had been a primal moving force in this wholefield. Now the EC would try to continue on with the things, but they missedhis input. He seemed affected slightly by that. He expressed how that washis real interest now. That he would like to see the ills of ISKCONcorrected in these areas. But for now he would help from outside. I wasapprehensive to tell too many details of Radhadesa Meeting since some of itmight have been very painful for him.

2. I mentioned that I told his statements about how he would get aggressiveif he thought he would be cheated were received in different ways bydifferent people. Danavir Maharaj had given the example of a racoon, who isnormally a peace loving animal, but when threatened or cornered it becomesverocious. HKM expressed some anguish that he never ever wanted to doanything against ISKCON or to harm ISKCON. He has always been serving ISKCONand been a friend. He never ever got violent or anything. Nor did he evercheat anyone in financial dealings. But he feels angry how he was dealtwith and finds it difficult to control his emotions. He emphasized that heonly said those things out of extreme stress and pressure and disgust withhow he was being dealt with. Actually he never has and could never dream ofdoing anything against ISKCON, but only because he felt at that momenttotally pushed against the wall and cheated did his emotions become sointense that he could think like that out of desperation. Now he ispeaceful.

4. It is my own analysis that HKM is hyper-sensitive. I don't know themedical definition of that if there is one. In a normal sense he is quitesane and clear in his thoughts and presentation. However, he does tend toreact more extremely than previously in whichever emotional direction thediscussion heads. HKM also mentioned he had his "heart chakra" replaced andhis emotions are very high strung. I don't know what all this means ie."heart chakra" replacement. It is clear that he is in a more emotional andsensitive state than ever before that I knew him. Before, as many of youmight remember, he tended to be a bit reserved and cool. Now he is not thesame HKM that you knew in that respect. We have to take that intoconsideration when dealing with him and considering what he says when he isunder pressure. It seems clear that he isn't fully in control of all of hisemotions at present. He also told me that he needs some time to fullyrecuperate his subtle body and emotions. It made me feel that taking whathe said earlier in anger too seriously wouldn't be appropriate. It becameobvious it was a reaction and not a permanent feeling he was harboring.Physically, he told me, he is quite well now. He appears thinner than I hadknown previously.

Apart from that what HKM personally told me was he is still feeling cheatedby the EC. He explained that he had the biggest collapse in his life. Thatit made the earlier collapse he had in the 1980's insignificant. That thistime he couldn't recognize even his name "Harikesa" and was in a totallydifficult situation. He admitted to me that he was undergoing a "volcano ofemotions" which was totally out of his control. As Ravindra Swarup Prabhuhad mentioned, he felt he was being tested in many ways. He was reanalysinghis relationships and that also included his relationship with SrilaPrabhupada. He had various experiences during that time some of which wereintense and in relation to Lord Sri Krishna. He felt ecstatic during someof them and he doesn't think the bliss he felt was material or false. Hehasn't told me that he considers all he experienced to be true. I didn'tprobe so much, but rather listened to what he wanted to tell me. He admittedto me sometimes he was ecstatic and felt blissful and other times he feltfrustrated and angry. So for a period after returning to consciousness fromhis collapse he was in an emotional upheaval and crisis. He was reviewingand analysing many aspects of his life and relationships. During this periodhe was experiencing very intense emotions and experiences. Sometimesthinking about Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu or Lord Krishna and sometimes SrilaPrabhupada. During this period he told me there was a time that temporarilyhe felt doubtful about some things Srila Prabhupada did.. During thisperiod his secretaries would go in and out of his room whenever they feltlike it, but he told them he would rather be left alone. They didn't listento him. He feels also cheated by them that while he was in such anuncontrolled emotional state his words were broadcasted and accepted as thefinal truth. He told me that now his relationship with Srila Prabhupada isre-established and he doesn't feel angry with His Divine Grace any more. Hefeels his relationship is on a good basis. So his point was how can hisoutbursts and emotional expressions in that time of limited control be takenas the final word or held against him? He feels it is unreasonable. In anycase, he wants out. He is taking his vacation and going to leave Germany fora month or so and recuperate in some hidden place to get some peace.

5. I don't have time right now to give more details, but I can give more ifyou want. He has an explanation about what happened with Amboda dd which isthe most lucid and clear I have heard upto date.

6. HKM says his message to his disciples is they should go on with theirdevotional service and Krishna consciousness. He will take time torecuperate. In the future he will make himself available for giving guidanceto them. He says they can take his guidance or not depending on their ownintelligence. He doesn't want to be such a guru that will be worshipped orbowed down to. In fact he says he wants to help all devotees not only hisdisciples, actually all people. He wants to be in a LOVE mode and care forall people and encourage them to worship and love Lord Sri Krishna CaitanyaMahaprabhu. He wants to see Hare Krishna Mahamantra chanting spread.

He told me about three times he felt ISKCON didn't have love and care now,but if things changed he might reconsider coming back. I feel there is goodhope. I find it totally unproductive to take the tactic that some have beenproposing of going ballistic against him or writing him off. That will becounter productive and not realistic. If we treat him gently he willreciprocate. He doesn't want confrontation and anything he said in an angrymood was a reaction to what he felt was extremely dishonest dealings withhim. If you want more of this information then tell me.

Harikesa Maharaja told me he feels very grateful to the Therapist Monica.He feels she has saved him. He says they are definitely planning to getmarried and they are making such arrangements. Harikesa Maharaja also toldme that he didn't break any regulative principles in the full sense. Hedoesn't feel it appropriate for himself now to be a sannyasi and thereforewants to serve Lord Sri Krishna in this new asram. He said Monica is awonderful person and she is a good influence on him. That there is somereal harmony there and together he will be able to do more devotionalservice once he is fully recovered and settled. In any case SrilaPrabhupada has instructed in 8th Canto SB that if a sannyasi doesn't findhimself in a proper situation of strength to fight against Maya then he canaccept householder asram if that will be more suitable for him. The mainthing is to win in the battle against Maya. Harikesa Maharaja told me hedefinitely wants to win against Maya and return to Lord Sri Krishna.

Harikesa Maharaj told me that he felt it was Radharani's desire that I cometo see him and that is why he couldn't hide from me on our first visit. Hefelt it was good that we met and that he welcomed me to contact him anytimeI felt the need. However, he didn't want a lot of visitors now since hewanted to recuperate. He is planning to go away from Germany for some weeksin order to regain some strength. He also told me he is planning to writesomething to his disciples soon. Now he has some kind of phone that canallow him to send and receive email from the mobile phone. He doesn't knowexactly when he will do that, but he is definitely planning to do so.

We parted very good friends. He embraced me. He posed for a great photo.Both of us were smiling with arms around each other shoulder. It was a greatpose, but the guy couldn't use my digital camera the first chance and HKMgot impatient and walked off. I showed the devotee how to use it and thesecond try he got a photo, but we weren't posing any more. The picture waswhile he is getting ready to go into his car and is thanking Tejasresthadas, his disciple, who is sitting in his car waiting to drive me back to theGoloka Dhama temple. So the picture isn't so great. I don't know if youwant to see it? We are both dressed in karmi cloths since that is how onehas to go to meet Harikesa Maharaja as he doesn't want the neighbors alarmeddue to many Hare Krishna devotees visiting his house.

Apart from my meeting with Harikesa Maharaj, I just wanted to mention to allof you how important it is that you all stay under the shelter and in theassociation of His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada and hisfollowers. Let us create a nice environment so that Harikesa Maharaj canfeel inclined to again take up some active service for caring for thedevotees in ISKCON and outside. Although he is upset with the EC, actuallythe EC did all they could think of doing at the time. In the futurewe don't know exactly what to expect. I am hoping for some furtherreconcilliation. However time can only tell. All disciples should kindlygo on with their devotional service and remain strong in Krishnaconsciousness. If anyone has questions or if there is any way I can helpyou don't hesitate to ask me.

That is the brief account of what happened with a little commentary at theend.

Your well wisher and spiritual uncle,

 Jayapataka Swami

(Text COM:1645252)