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EDITORIAL September 29, 1999 VNN4820 Comment on this story Canadian Hindus Must Respect Seniors BY AJIT ADHOPIA EDITORIAL, Sep 29 (VNN) — from the Toronto Star September 18 1999 For two weeks starting next Friday, Canadian Hindus will be performing an annual ritual called Shraadham meaning the expression of devotion, to honour their dead ancestors. This tradition is a Thanksgiving and Remembrance Day combined. Each year, on the death anniversary (based on the Hindu calender) of their parents or grandparents, devout Hindus invite a Brahmin priest to their homes as a guest of honour. The invited Brahmin acts as a "substitute" for their dead ancestor, and is treated with a feast, and gifts. Some Hindus, instead of inviting a Brahmin guest, prefer to deliver groceries to their local food bank. This symbolic gesture reminds Hindus of their obligation reminds Hindus of their obligation to express their gratitude toward dead ancestors for the sacrifices they made for them. But 73-year-old widower Panna Lal (not his real name) is very cynical about the Shraadha ritual. A retired civil servant in India, he dedicated his entire life and savings to educating his two children and building a comfortable home for his family. On his wife's death, his son insisted Lal sell his house in India, and come to live with him in Canada. He was proud to see his son's achievements in Canada: a five bedroom house, luxurious furniture and two cars. Soon after his arrival, his daughter-in-law asked him to take care of his infant grandson as she wanted to return to work. Since he had no child-care skills, Lal first hesitated, but accepted this new responsibility when he was told that babysitting was very costly in Canada. Suddenly, his life became very tough. He would spend his entire day watching TV, changing diapers and doing domestic chores assigned to him by him daughter-in-law. He had no free weekends as he was required to babysit the grandchildren while his son and daughter-in-law attended social gatherings. His son gave him a meagre amount as pocket-money. He grudgingly accepted this lifestyle as a sacrifice for the sake of his son and grandchild. When his grandson started school full-time, he noticed a change in his family's attitude. His son became uncaring and indifferent. His daughter-in-law treated him harshly. His pocket money was stopped. His grandchildren were discourteous. "Canada may be a heaven for my son. For me, it is a living hell. I was used as an unpaid babysitter and a domestic servant . I have lost my dignity, independence and the house in India," he laments. After suffering a nervous breakdown, he phoned his daughter in India from a friend's house. She asked him to come and live with her. Traditionally, it is the duty of the son to care for his parents, and for a Hindu father, living with his daughter as a dependent is the worst kind of humiliation. But, Lal will soon return to India to live with his daughter. Lal's story was recounted to me by a friend, the former president of a Hindu temple in Brampton. Based on how my grandfather was treated be my family, I had always believed that, generally, Hindus treated their seniors very well, and that Lal's story must be an exception. However, when I discussed this issue with the head priest of a large temple in Mississauga, he made a shocking response: "According to my experience, 80 per cent of Hindu seniors, who came to live with their sons in Canada after burning their bridges in India, are extremely unhappy here." Gyan Rajhans, producer and host of the popular weekly Hindu radio program Bhajanawali, concurs. "During the past 18 years I have been on the air, I have received numerous calls from Hindu seniors who confided in me that they were brought to Canada as babysitters under a false pretext. Their basic needs nutrition, proper clothing and health care - are not being met. Their emotional and social needs are ignored by their family. They have to surrender their pension cheque to their son. They are not treated with respect and dignity." Caseworkers at three community service agencies in Mississauga and the GTA who deal with South Asian seniors every day told similar stories. Although most Canadian Hindus treat their parents with traditional warmth, care and respect, incidents of gross neglect are far more frequent than our sense of self-righteousness may permit us to admit. "Hindu families that observe the Shraadha rite while neglecting or exploiting their living seniors and hypocrites," Rajhans adds. Ajit Adhopia is a freelance author who writes about Hinduism. Comment on this story  Contact VNN about this storySend this story to a friend
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