The Kaviraja told us outside of Srila Prabhupada room (the entrance leading for the guesthouse) "Srila Prabhupada is always experiencing the pain of fire as he has no muscle in his body any longer all of the nerves are lying on the bones, Srila Prabhupada must always be feeling a burning fire sensation but he doesn't complain, he is a demigod. "Then later on in the room the kaviraja expressed in great excitement Srila Prabhupada"you can control your heart beat". ! "One minute I check your heart beat and there's almost no beat and now I check and it's normal "! He kept telling the devotees Srila Prabhupada is no ordinary person and we didn't say anything but we knew it was true.

Day after day we were invited to always be within Srila Prabhupadas room but one day on the invitation of a devotee I left Krishna Balaram Mondir went to visit other temples and hear the kirtans in the temples as the sun set.

Upon returning back to be with Srila Prabhupada Hamsadutta asked us"where have you been"? We told him we were visiting the temples in Vrindaban, with a very strong look he said, "there is no other higher places to be in Vrindaban but in Srila Prabhupada room with him at this moment "and we should understand this and try to spend all our time there.

We certainly agreed and after this I tried to spend every minute in Srila Prabhupadas room. Usually when we had our soft kirtans for Srila Prabhupada there were 5 or 6 devotees all chanting together One day I remember it was only myself and Prithu Prabhu chanting. There were some devotees in the room near Srila Prabhupadas bed speaking to His Divine Grace and we were having our kirtan softly for Srila Prabhupada.

Truthfully I was falling asleep as I chanted and when I realised I was I checked myself and said to myself…"it is only you and this other Prabhu chanting and this is for Srila Prabhupada directly wake up! "Now chant nicely and clearly and as sweet as possible for His Divine Grace". It wasn't 3 mantras latter that Srila Prabhupada stopped talking to the devotees around his bed and asked, "who is that chanting"? Then they said its, "Prithu Prabhu and another devotee "and they came over to me and said "Srila Prabhupada wants to know your name "I told them I'm Pita das"and they went back and told His Divine Grace my name and he said. "ahhhh…, yes……, very nice chanting, . . continue, and we did. "

There was no doubt in my mind that Srila Prabhupada was aware of all of our thoughts, of everything within the room, of even the small noises and even the prayers and moods of the devotees. My mind was even worse then than it is now and when coming close to His Divine Graces bedside I would hear my mind cursing foul language . I would ignore it and pray for it to stop so I could continue being within the room.

Sometimes I would see devotees upon entering the room take His Divine Graces feet within their hands sometimes placing their heads upon them. I was feeling all to sinful a souls to do the same as I felt I had transferred enough of my sins to His Divine Grace. And it seemed His Divine Grace was overburdened with our karma.

One day also there was an Indian gentleman talking to Srila Prabhupada it might have been Bugaji I am unsure. Srila Prabhupada told him that the reason for his sickness was because of all the sins he had taken from his disciples.

The Indian gentleman said"but Srila Prabhupada they are all chanting Maha Mantra now so they have no sins. "And Srila Prabhupada didn't say anything but he seemed to express uncertainty on this. One evening most of the devotees had slowly left the room with only Swarupa Damodarra Swami and myself remaining.

I was only 3 years living within the temple I had never been able to directly speak to His Divine Grace before let alone do any personal service but I at once realised that if Swarupa Damadarra was to leave the room I would then be the only devotee there and if Srila Prabhupada wanted something then I would have to get it for him. At that moment Srila Prabhupada asked for something and Swarupa Damodarra Maharaj left the room then it was only His Divine Grace and I in the room.

After a few minutes Srila Prabhupada called out I was sitting far from His Divine Graces bed in the place were we chanted . I got up and went to Srila Prabhupads side and asked ", Yes Srila Prabhupada can I get you something. "Srila Prabhupada just said"Cotton Swab"…", yes Srila Prabhupada at once Srila Prabhupada"…. and I went to look at the table behind His Divine Graces bed, for a cotton swab but I found none, . I then realised that that was what Swarupa Damodarra Maharaj had gone to get as there just weren't any about in the room, just some cotton ball.

So I picked up the cotton ball and prayed, …"please Lord Krishna make this cotton ball into a cotton swab for Srila Prabhupada and I will never tell anyone if you do, please just let me do some pleasing service for His Divine Grace. "but the cotton remained a cotton ball and not a swab but I took it back to Srila Prabhupada anyway and I said, "here Srila Prabhupada ". . knowing it wasn't what he had requested and His Divine Grace took the cotton and placed it in his ear with His Lotus pinkie finger. I went back into my position on the side of the room and after a few minutes Swarupa Damodarra returned with the real cotton swabs and proceeded to clean Srila Prabhupada ear and I almost fainted to think that I could of even of attempted to of tried to help in such a way. I felt weak and shake.

The point was that Srila Prabhupada took the cotton as if that was what he had ordered me to get Srila Prabhupada was and is an ocean of transcendental mercy very aware of all our moods and thoughts.

Then one night we were all at the bed edges and Srila Prabhupada said something we did not hear as His Divine Grace spoke almost in whispers . (There were 4 or 5 devotees in the room. Tamal Krishna Goswami, Bhakti Caru Maharaj, myself and one or two others, as they did not speak I honestly do not remember who they were, one may of been Abhinanda Prabhu but as I haven't been able to locate him since 1978 I've never been able to ask him? )

Bhakti Caru Swami then got very close and spoke in Bengali to Srila Prabhupada. Bhakti Caru Swami said Srila Prabhupada said someone has poisoned him! He says he's been poisoned like they poisoned his gurumaharaj! Tamal Krishna Goswami came from behind Srila Prabhupadas back left hand side of the bed and asked Srila Prabhupada, "who has poisoned you Srila Prabhupada"?

(at this point I will tell you Tamal Krishna Goswami showed no real concern or surprise as Bhakti Caru Swami had just expressed and what he said then has stuck in my mind for 22 years now, it was as if he was humouring His Divine Grace he didn't seem to wait for Srila Prabhupada to answer the question he had just asked His Divine Grace . )

Tamal Krishna Maharaj then said something to the effect, "no poison could ever harm you Srila Prabhupada or it would have to be really strong poison to harm you Srila Prabhupada because you are always protected by the Holy Name". He took what Srila Prabhupada had just said very lightly, he looked at us like, it's ok. Tamal Krishna Maharaj did make it seem that Srila Prabhupada was having a difficult time, having some craziness or slipped into some senility for a brief moment. We were then very shortly were asked to leave, as Srila Prabhupada needed to take rest. I did not know what to think?

Was Srila Prabhupada showing signs of mundane old age? Even as a 3-year devotee I could understand that this was impossible. I am not sure how long it took me to approach Tamal Krishna Goswami about this. It may of been the next day or it may have been after His Divine Graces Maha Samadhi but I went to Srila Prabhupadas room and asked Tamal Krishna Maharaja to come out and speak to me. I can still remember opening the screen doors leading into Srila Prabhupadas room from his garden finding Tamal Krishna Maharaj inside and asking him to come out to speak with me and he did come out and we spoke to the left of the door under the roofed porch there in Srila Prabhupada small garden. I asked him what did Srila Prabhupada mean that someone had given him posion? Tamal Krishna Maharaj told me "Srila Prabhupada was referring to the medicine given to him by the Kaviraja and this was acting as if poison to him. "

At this point I must have given Tamal Krishna Maharaj a look of disbelief and the look he gave me was very clear, it was a very intimidating look and also a pleading look, don't take it the wrong way, can you understand the repercussions? And I could. (One has to have worked with Tamal Goswami Maharaj to understand this, those who know him know, what I mean)

I can’t remember if we said anything after his statement and the look but I showed him I was satisfied with his answer and left it. I have never questioned him again on this point again since then. After Srila Prabhupadas departure I worked closely with Tamal Krishna Goswami for 7 years. I have had numerous occasions to speak with him on this but I have hid it deep and denied that it could of only of been as he had said as the crime even today is impossible for me to ever contemplate.

After Srila Prabhupada complained of being poisoned the talk among the devotees was that the medicine given to Srila Prabhupada was bad or doing no good. The Kaviraj was saying that there was a medicine he knew of in Jaipur which may cure Srila Prabhupada, in the medicine was crushed blue sapphires, it was mixed by a doctor who had passed away, his students had never learned from their teacher how to mix this medicine but there was still a few batches of the medicine left in Jaipur and the Kaviraja went there to get it for the 12 to the 13^{th of November} I do not know if the medicine brought back by the Kaviraj was ever given to Srila Prabhupada. The afternoon of the 13^th Srila Prabhupada said he was finished taking medicine, he said"I have no more will to live, this body is finished It is unfit to serve Krishna with. I will not recover". I was told by Abhinanda Prabhu that on the night of the 13^th the medicine was given to Srila Prabhupada and Srila Prabhupada never responded well to it, as on the morning of the 14^th we were all brought into Srila Prabhupadas room with Srila Prabhupada preparing to enter Mahasamdhi. We all Chanted loud kirtan all day into the evening. Maha Mantra and prayers to Lord Narashingadev.

I would like now to go back to the days after Srila Prabhupada had said someone had poisoned him. There is all kinds of talk of how could we all of kept Srila Prabhupada all locked up in his room but it was not like that. It was that Srila Prabhupadas condition was so delicate we were all afraid that anything could take him away from us.

One day I do not remember if it was before or after Srila Prabhupadas complaint of poisoning I was present when Tamal Krishna Goswami exploded. When he was not present one devotee had given Srila Prabhupada some milk and it was according to Tamal Krishna Maharaj given to Srila Prabhupada to drink too quickly making His Divine Grace worse. I remember him saying"he just let Srila Prabhupada drink down the milk all at once. I have to give Srila Prabhupada the milk very slowly taking sometimes an hour but he gave him the milk in about 20 minutes (or something like that) From now on no one is to give Srila Prabhupada his milk but me"Srila Prabhupada had given up the defending His Divine Grace was too weak to fend them off if they really did poison him’.

I found it very strange that the only devotee that didn't cry at Srila Prabhupada departure was Tamal Krishna Goswami. This I felt at the time was because maybe only he really understood and had prepared himself for Srila Prabhupadas leaving being the nurse.

I saw tears coming from Bhavananda that squirted out his eyes and I mean the tears jetted out. But Tamal Krishna remained cool calm and collective threw out the entire ordeal. . The service given to Srila Prabhupada by Tamal Krishna Goswami and the loving caring words offered by him in encouragement to His Divine Grace won him Tamal Krishna Goswami the asteem of all the devotees at the time we all felt that no one was as expert as he at taking care of Srila Prabhupada. For this reason I joined with him after Srila Prabhupada departed physically.

Afterwards I became very close to Tamal Krishna Goswami and for a time considered him to be maybe my most important older godbrother associate. I am writing this account today from my home here in China where I have lived almost constantly since 1980. I do not know what to do with this report, as I write Im trying to edit and reedit. I started to write this 11-98 I have shown this to a few of my godbrothers but now maybe its time to give to all of the devotees, as there are many charming aspects in the personality of Tamal Krishna Goswami I don't want to condemn him he's has been condemned by so many already. I just want to report what I saw and heard. I would appreciate though that the tapes recorded by him, whenever Srila Prabhupada spoke be accounted for.

If we do not have these tapes then how can any proper real system continue within our movement? The information we have now is incomplete, very clear instruction were given and have been lost. Why? This is the duty of the GBC to uncover them. If they do not do this then they are not the real GBC they are maya GBC and our real GBC has yet to be formed.

The time was approaching for Govardam Puja celebration and one afternoon Srila Prabhupada said that we should all celebrate the Govardam Puja by going to Govardam Hill together. There have been accounts of this written by Satsvarupa Maharaj but I do not remember him there at the time. I certainly though do remember His Holiness present at the time of placing His Divine Grace into the Earth though. I certainly can not remember word for word what was spoken as this went on for many hours one day but when Srila Prabhupada expressed the desire that he wanted to go to Govardam Hill the devotees present were Hamsadutta Swami, Tamal Krishna Goswamij, Lokanatha Swami, Bhakti Caru Swami, Bhavananda Swami, and maybe Swarupa Damodarra Maharaj as he came the last few days I can’t remember if he or Satavarupa Maharaj were also present and many other devotees.

The facts were that there were two camps one was the ones who wanted to do what Srila Prabhupada requested by taking His Divine Grace to Govardam Hill by Ox cart and the other camp. The first camp was comprised of Hamasutta Swami and Srila Prabhupada; the other camp headed by Tamal Krishna Goswami was comprised by everyone else including myself.

(Most of all the statements of Srila Prabhupada wanting to go to Govardam have been clearly reported so why should I try to present the whole pastime here with my inferior writing abilities?) Srila Prabhupada said one day if we would take His Divine Grace on Parikram of Shree Govardam it would cure him. "We can all sleep under the trees,"Srila Prabhupada said. The Kaviraja told us if we even carried Srila Prabhupada to the front gate His Divine Grace would leave his body. So we were all against taking Srila Prabhupada on Parikram but Srila Prabhupada ordered Lokanatha Maharaj to go get an ox cart.

Srila Prabhupada then said that this was really the best way for the sannasysi to preach by ox cart. We kept pleading with Srila Prabhupada that it was madness to go on ox cart let alone to even leave the room (One just had to have been there to understand how fragile His Divine Graces physical was at that point. ) Srila Prabhupada made the statement that staying in his room was like being killed by Ravana better to be killed by Ram.

The Kaviraja asked Srila Prabhupada to "request a flower airplane to take you Srila Prabhupada if you request it certainly it will come and this you can take to Govardam, "as he was completely convinced by this time that Srila Prabhupada was an extraordinary personality. "The Kaviraj told us all"the bumping of the cart would kill Srila Prabhupada even if His Divine Grace made it out of the gate".

Only Hamsudutta was on the side of Srila Prabhupada. Hamsadutta said outside of His Divine Graces room, "if Srila Prabhupada says going to Govardam will cure him then that's what we must do hasn’t Srila Prabhupada always been right before? Tamal Krishna Maharaj responded ", Srila Prabhupada says it will cure him because it will kill him, which means he will be cured. "

It went on and on for hours and no one took Hamasudutta or Srila Prabhupadas side. We just could not agree to put His Divine Grace on that cart in his condition. Finally after it seemed many hours the cart was brought to Krishna Balaram Mondir to take Srila Prabhupada to Govardam.

All the devotees headed by Tamal Krishna Goswami went into Srila Prabhupada room to beg him not to be asked to be placed on the cart. Srila Prabhupada then said"alright I will not go if it is causing all to worry so much. " Tamal Krishna Maharaj totally exhausted almost yelling said to Srila Prabhupada. , "Srila Prabhupada we just cant understand why you have insisted that we take you out when you know that it will just kill you to go."

"The more we fear you will actually go, the more we become scared that you will leave us!""This just makes us even more protective of you and our love for you becomes even greater for fear of loosing you'!"

And then His Divine Grace said" that is my duty………. to make you love me more". And it was over and Srila Prabhupada did not go to Govardam because we all pleaded with His Divine Grace to stay.

The last day Srila Prabhupada was speaking to us was the 13^th as I have said before in the afternoon Srila Prabhupada told us he just wanted to leave there was no more reason to stay His Divine Grace said"I have given you everything, everything is there within my books"During these last few days His Holiness Swarupa Damorra Maharaj offered almost constant service also to Srila Prabhupada.

Srila Prabhupada when seeing Swarupa Damorra Maharaj would at once speak about his work with the scientific community who Srila Prabhupada had ordered him to preach to and expose them as cheater and fools and rascals.

That evening Srila Prabhupada last darshan with us started off in this mood as Swarupa Damodarra was still there taking special care of His Divine Grace and Srila Prabhupada was still in this mood. As I entered the room I heard the darshan like this. "There are four kinds of birth, …. birth from the womb, …. . birth from the seed, …. birth from the egg… and birth from sweat……How can the scientist say that life is coming by a combination of chemicals? They can not understand Bhagavat Gita …. . They can not understand …. . brahma buta pra sam atma no cam sati na cams iti …. . . They can not understand that the brahma buta person is tasting happiness within…. that this body maybe completely destroyed…. but he is in…. ecstasy………. . I am. That. Brahma bhuta person… "and he held His head up a bit as He always did.

This talk although brief maybe lasted 15 minutes. And then Tamal Krishna Maharaj said,"that was a very nice darshan Srila Prabhupada you need to take your rest now "and we were asked to say good night.

The Next Morning we were all called into Srila Prabhupada room. Srila Prabhupada wasn't responding to anyone. His Divine Grace was preparing to enter MahaSamadhi. Everyone was allowed to enter His Divine Graces room and All the devotees at Shri Shri Krishna Balaram Mondir came into the room. His Divine Grace was not conscious of us and all the devotee we screaming Nrarshinga Deva Prayers. Really it was gasely.

I knew that Srila Prabhupada now was really about to leave us and we all cryed so deeply for Srila Prabhupada. (and for ourselves fearful that my protector was to leave me I feared falling back into material life again and now I am after 23yrs feeling so entangled, love and trust did really pass away ) Sometimes Srila Prabhupada would open His Lotus Mouth and exhibit what appeared as excruciating pains At this moment I prayed Srila Prabhupada leaving his body really had to be experiencing transcendental ecstasy at the same time to mundane vision His Divine Grace appeared in so much difficulty. We chanted louder and louder and it seemed we never stopped the Nrisingha Prayers. Oceans of tears continuously. Flowing out of all the eyes of everyone, as a new devotees came in shocked to see the pitiful situation more tears flowed.

At some times Srila Prabhupada was seemly peacefully resting and at others again an attack of pain or extreme transcendental ecstasy engulfed His Divine Grace. As I chanted and cryed prayed for Lord Krishna not to take Srila Prabhupada I also understood that such a great devotee as Srila Prabhupada upon entering Mahasamadhi was there but already actually with Krishna far from the pain His Divine Grace was showing us. These were the symptoms of ecstasy as Srila Prabhupada pulled far from His Lotus form but still remain within.

From Mongal aroti threw out the entire day we chanted and we all remained within the room almost the entire time Srila Prabhupadas sister Pusima was there at Srila Prabhupadas bed side through out the whole day. Pusima was had with her a very small sliver pitcher with Yamuna water and She would place water threw Srila Prabhupadas Lotus lips into his mouth every few moments.

I became too upset after a few hours and did leave for a few moments and was requested to start the digging of the samadhi tomb by Gopal Krishna Maharaja as I have said before. I then returned back. Yadurbara Prabhu and his good wife Vasaka devi were filming everything for almost the entire day they filmed Srila Prabhupada last lilla.

Later Yadubara told me ". I did not know if it was wrong or right to film but I just did it and no one stopped me so I continued. "Years later in New Drawaka he told me"I have still all this film and I really don't know what to do with it? "I now have heard years ago he has released this film some portions but I have never wanted to see them I do not like to actually tell this part of the story but for some reasons maybe now I must place everything I can remember then in writing so I will continue.

At one point in the afternoon the Kaviraja told us Srila Prabhupada will leave His Lotus body near sundown Then as it was nearing sundown I left Srila Prabhupadas room with a mood of Srila Prabhupada will not leave us. Almost as I exited the room near the guesthouse entrance Gopal Krishna Maharaja approached again. Someone has to go to Loy Bazar to purchase fresh silk cloth for Srila Prabhupada to be buried in! Loy Bazar will close soon there is no fresh cloth can you go? Yes I told him Srila Prabhupada isn't going to leave I will go. Good Abhinanda will also go with you he will get flowers and you get the cloth.

So I was to meet Abhinanda in front of Bankibihari Mondir after I got the cloth. I took a richshaw and rushed off to Loy Bazar and as I entered Loy Bazaar I saw Srila Krishna das Babaji Maharaja and I offered pranams from the rickshaw and said His Divine Graces name. "Babaji Maharaja"And Babaji Maharaja looked up at me and gave me the look like, your insane. And then rushed off into the darkness walking at a very quick pace to be with Srila Prabhupada.

I then after seeing Babaji Maharajas, look could understand that Babaji Maharaja may of been thinking Srila Prabhupada is leaving and your going to shop! Going to lotter in Loy Bazaar. !!! What could I do I was on a important mission to get Srila Prabhupada fresh silken cloth even if Babaji Maharaja may of misunderstood why I had to come there. !

I found only one cloth shop still open at the far end of the bazaar to the left and I told the shopkeeper I need to purchase silk cloth for Srila Prabhupadas Samadhi. But the shopkeeper kept showing me jute. Jute is a cheap cloth, artsilk not silk. Jute is very cheap not even as good as cotton jute is what rope is made from but it before washing can be made to appear just like silk. "This is not silk it is jute! I want silk for Srila Prabhupada " "oh but this is silk, I understand". The price though is too cheap it can't be silk !" "Yes it is silk "the shop keeper told me"for Srila Prabhupada", so I told him"I will buy two"and my foolish idea that was if it wasn't silk I ‘d come back to shop keeper. After a few days when I understood that the cloth was certainly jute I returned to the shop and complained to the shopkeeper and he denied he even sold me any cloth. He must have not had any silk and what I brought was jute and because of this Srila Prabhupada was buried in this cloth a very low class cloth.

Always my service to Srila Prabhupada has been like this, incomplete, hoced posed, cursed. Why is it like this? Lust and sinfulness I tear out worthless heart and throw it in the trash bin. !!!!! The market was closing so I took another rickshaw to Bunkipihari Mondir and found Abhinanda there with a huge bundle of marigold flowers wider than both arms stretched out and then at that moment a mataji A Vrindaban widow came from behind me and held on to my arm at the elbow and yanking it saying Prabhupada, Prabhupada, Prabhupada, Prabhupada, Prabhupada, she would not let go! I didn't understand at the moment but this was the actual time Srila Prabhupada had left His Divine Form The mataji knew Srila Prabhupada had left and she grabbed my arm so tightly. I was in Brahmacari dress, a women never touches one dressed in sanfron. Upon returning to Krishna Balaram Mondir we saw the devotees carrying Srila Prabhupada on palanquin circumambulating the temple.

The crying was in torrents. The devotees were insane some were following the palanquin and Srila Narayana Maharaja was leading us but other devotees were rolling on the ground some where bashing their heads against the walls outside of temple, all were wailing in grief. I too was flooded in tears and could see that we somehow were as just beginning our spiritual lives but still somehow by the deep sorrow of Srila Prabhupadas departure could understand just a bit what the gopis must feel at loosing Krishna, as it was like that, we were all litterally mad, out of our minds, only Srila Narayana Maharaja stirred us in the right directions and we like dazed crazed lifeless weeping children followed him.

After Srila Prabhupada was carried around the temple Srila Prabhupadas Lotus body was brought within the open court yard of the temple and Srila Prabhupadas sister Pusima came and offered her last respects to her Dear brother Srila Prabhupada, so sweet and touching was the sense. She spent a few moments touching Srila Prabhupada face and making some offering to His Divine Grace.

Srila Narayana Maharaja lead us in singing Saparsada-bhagavad-viraha-janitaivilapa je anilo prema-dhana And Then Srila Narayana Maharaja instructed us to place His Divine Grace up on His Vayasana. Srila Narayana Mahararaja then lead us all in Kirtan and We sang Sri Guru-vandana Sri- Guru-caranana- Padma and aroti was offered to Srila Prabhupada. When Srila Narayana Maharaja didn't lead the Kirtan Srila Krishna das Babaji Maharaja did and they were our only relief for that darkest of midnight's.

The Kirtans of these most wonderful devotees Srila Narayana Maharaja and Srila Krishna das Babaji Maharaja sang melted all our hearts Sometimes one reads of the kirtans of Mukunda das That lord Chaitanya would be so pleased with and love to hear, Babaji Maharajas Kirtans I can only think must be like this, melting stone with His love for Krishna as His sang to Srila Prabhupada Krishna and to the devotees. During a pause for a few moments during the night one devotee so overwhelmed by Babaji Maharaja s kirtan praised Babaji Maharaja. Oh Babaji Maharaja your kirtan is so beautiful. No no no He said like a shy child. Srila Narayana Maharaja told us we will not leave Srila Prabhupada alone tonight and we will have kirtan all night and we did.

We all took turns fanning Srila Prabhupada in his palanquin on his Vasya asana. Bhaktisiddanta das Prabhu and myself each with camaras fanned Srila Prabhupada for hours. All night long the sublime kirtan went on. Days afterwards Srila Krishna das Babaji and Srila Narayana Maharaja would continue to lead us in Kirtans. Coming almost everyday for a few hours to Chant with the devotees. Soon the Mongal Aroti time came and then as the sunrise we all prepared to take Srila Prabhupada on parikram to all the temple of the 6 Goswamis.

The residents of Vrindaban blissfully offered Srila Prabhupada garlands they were joyful in contrast to the morose devotee faces. "Srila Prabhupada has Gone Back Home Back To Godhead they assured us, it is joyous, Glorious. But we could not be joyous. Yes I understood but His Divine Grace has left us was my feeling I could only see doom no bliss.

At Radha Damoddara temple the head of the temple came with japa mala beads and garlands to place on Srila Prabhupada and I expressed"Oh, they are offering such cheap things to Srila Prabhupada". Rupanugas son Raganath a young boy at the time chastised me. "They are offerings how you can say this? "Foolishly making offences to the residence of Vrindana not understanding their devotion and mood I was certainly offensive.

Srila Prabhupada Lotus Form became almost covered in Flowers, garlands japa malas and pieces of silk and pcs of colourful cloth as many many of the residents of Vrindaban came to offer their last respects to Srila Prabhupada the liberated Soul who had just left eternally re-entering again into Shri Shri Radha Krishna Nitya Lilla.

Some days after Srila Prabhupadas Mahasadhmi one young man and resident of Vrindaban invited me to his home to meet his family. His father had taken photographs of Srila Prabhupada then on the paladin in Loy Bazaar and said his father would like to offer me a copy of the photo. The father of the boy was also an astrologer and he asked to look at my hand. What do you see? I asked but he would only say the hand of one who has a strong Guru.

I still have this photograph here with me today one of my real treasures after now almost 23 yrs old it is starting to crumble. Later after hearing that there was a photo of Srila Prabhupada taken then as this gentleman had offered many copies to many devotees Bagavan ordered us to burn them or bury them. We should never think of Srila Prabhupada like this he said.

I just hid mine and never showed this photo to anyone. It is now within the pages of Srimad Bhagavatum. Gradually the parikram returned to Krishna Balaram Mondir and at once Srila Prabhupada entombment began. White marble slabs had been placed on the ground of the whole and to the right side of the tomb, Srila Prabhupada Palanquin was placed. Srila Prabhupada was undressed behind a cloth held around His Divine Grace and bathed in abiseksa in the most respectful way all being directed by Srila Narayana Maharaja in full view of all the devotees. Bhavananda was holding Srila Prabhupadas Lotus shoulders all the time and another devotee was holding His Divine Graces Lotus Head. All the devotees were sitting a few yards in front of Srila Prabhupada.

After The Abiseksa of Srila Prabhupada another cloth was held and Srila Prabhupada was dressed in the fresh cloth, I hope to this day that His Divine Grace was not dressed in the cloth I brought but there was a great chance though he was. Then the curtain cloth was brought down and there may have been aroti offered. Srila Prabhupada was then lifted up and carried a few feet to the tomb all the time the devotees were holding Srila Prabhupadas Lotus head, and shoulders.

His Divine Graces body was soft and flexible and as he was placed into the tomb there was a point of may be one foot where His Divine Graces body was dropped to the devotee reaching up to take him and then like a puppet with its strings cut Srila Prabhupada body loosen and slipped into the hands of other devotees disappearing into the Earth, gasley, this memory has been indelibly imprinted in my mind, my heart dropped, all our hearts dropped. There was a great moan of anxiety and all rushed up from our places and ran to the edge of the tomb to look in.

There was pushing from behind I standing directly behind His Holiness Satsvarupa Maharaja next to him Jaya Adwaita Swami. From behind I was being pushed and thus was pushing Satsvarupa Maharaja we all almost fell into the tomb on top of Srila Prabhupada and the devotees! Some how everyone understood that there could be no pushing and the crowd remained calm. Srila Prabhupada was placed into the center of the tomb still being held by different devotees. I remember Bkakti Caru Maharaja holding Srila Prabhupada and Srila Prabhupada was seated in a lotus pose At least 4 devotee were within the tomb and buckets of rock salt were handed down. This salt was then placed all around Srila Prabhupadas body filling the entire tomb, inch by inch the salt was placed and we all slowly watched as Srila Prabhupada was gradually covered up and over His Lotus waist, shoulders, neck and then completely covered by salt. I watched every moment up until the last inch of His Divine Graces Lotus head disappeared under the salt.

More and more salt was placed and then finally the earth and then it was all over. It was hardly 11 am in the morning. Then almost all gradually left.

Srila Narayana Maharaja told us worship of Srila Prabhupada would then be carried on and arotis offered at his Sadhmi tomb at the same time arotis were going on in the temple a small wooden altar shingasana was placed over the tomb with Srila Prabhupadas picture on it. A purjari came after wards and aroti s and boga offerings began.

I remember just wanting to stay near the sadhmi and felt such a strange feeling that Srila Prabhupada had actually disappeared. I sat there a very long time with most if not all of the devotees going off to rest. We had all been up well over 24hrs as I sat on the steps of Krishna Balaram temple lamenting my present and future Krandhar Prabhu arrived. Dressed in blue jeans and long hair and I approached him paid my respects to him and told him. It is all over now and pointed to the small singhasana altar. Krandahar at once went and shaved his head and put on devotee dress. Jagadisa Prabhu disappeared from the temple no one knew where he had gone off? He was missing for many weeks I think.

Devotees started to flood in after a few days Tamal Krishna announced that there would be a parikram to Shri Goverdon Hill and that we would all go to fulfil Srila Prabhupadas last wish and take His Divine Graces deity form on Goverdon Parikrum. I remember His Holiness Tamal Krishna Maharaja saying "we will hold a nice festival and try to make it as nice as possible to relieve the devotees from their great grief. "It was a very nice parikram we all went together and brought Srila Prabhupadas murti with us, the ox cart was I think also brought and Srila Prabhupadas murti was taken on the ox cart. Finally we all lastly went to Radha Kund Shyama Kund and Srila Prabhupadas murti was bathed in both places. Then the rest of the day we all spent at the bathing gate of Bindusarova. Achutananda Swami told of the times of first joining ISKCON in New York at Srila Prabhupadas first temple matchless gifts on 2^nd avenue in the village and Tamal Krishna Maharaja lamented out loud of not being able to have been a part of those times with Srila Prabhupada. The festival held in Srila Prabhupadas honour was to be in two weeks devotees flooded into Shri Krishna Balaram Mondir.

His Holiness Tusta Krishna Swami came to represent His Holiness Siddhasarupananda Maharaja of the Hari Bol devotees in Hawaii and all the GBC menders and ISKCON leaders came finally. All of Srila Prabhupadas godbrothers came to speak at this festival. Srila Prabhupada wanted that all the residents of Vridaban be invited for full feast at this festival. Many very poor windows came and there was a bit of problem as they pushed and shoved to enter the Gurukula building. Bugaji the caretaker of the Krishna Balaram devotees and well wisher of all the temple devotees held them back. Finally though all took Krishna Balarams Prasada and the festival finished.

I beg you all for your help in spiritual life to help me remember His Divine Grace. To follow in His Divine Graces footsteps and not try to be His Divine Grace which is as much praktai sahaja as to aspire to be a gopi in Krishna lila without qualifications. . We all came to Srila Prabhupada as mice, I am a mouse, its a safe position even a mouse can represent His Divine Grace? This is the guru parampara. The lower we go in humbleness the closer we are to Srila Prabhupada. Our original sin is, forgetting our position in relationship to Lord Shree Krishna and so we are suffering so much birth after birth here.

I beg you our leading godborthers to seriously get to the bottom have why the tapes of Srila Prabhupadas last days have been taken away hidden or destroyed. Why some leaders go unchecked driving devotees to suicide as in the case of Gopi Jana Balava Swami, remember him?

Harries has said only one important thing in his rambling and that is, there ‘s no love in ISKCON now? Why is this, Why have we gone this way? I have faith that Lord Nitananda will bless us and save us. As He forgave Mugahi and latter after Mughai was given liberation Krishna Prem he still though was racked with guilt so he went back to Lord Nitananda and cried. Please forgive me. I drew blood from your head and I harmed the Vashnavas. Lord Nitananda assured him I have absorbed you sins but you are haunted by the offensives you have made to the devotees so I order you to build a bathing gat.

There the devotees and persons you offended can come and bath and by doing so all our their sins will be washed away by Mother Ganga this will remove the guilt you feel. Following the order of Shri Nitanyanda Prabhu Mugahi did just that and with his own hands he built that gat day by day by himself and all the vashanavas forgave him and understood that it was only by the mercy of Lord Nitanyanda that Mughai was changed from a gunda thief into a pure devotee of Krishna. I wish you all the highest attainments of Love of Shri Shri Gour Nitai to be able to enter into their sankirtan and actually taste love for Krishna. I beg forgiveness for the offensives I have made. May we restore ISKCON to its full glory and bring ISKCON back in its broadest sense, respecting all the Vashnavas so we can actually please Srila Prabhupada and allow His Divine Grace to give the whole world shelter under His Lotus Feet in a House where we all can live. If we can not do this we will simple be left in the dust of the sankirtan party as they pass us by. Dogs will bark but the caravan will pass.

In my most humble mood I close here Your servant an unqualified fool Pita das