©1997-2004 VNN
|
EDITORIAL  Vedic Ideals BY AMEYATMA DAS EDITORIAL, Nov 25 (VNN) — Jai Sri Sri Guru-Gauranga. All Glories to His Divine Grace, A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupad. I read the sad sad story Mother Rambhoru (see VNN story 8773) wrote regarding her husband, Prthu das, and their 2 sons. There are always 2 sides to any story, and so it would not be fair to accept her views only not having heard Prthu's side. However, if her story proved only half correct, I would agree with her that Prthu owes her and their sons the rest of his life to serve them and their needs to try and make up for his lack of carrying on his responsible duties toward them for the past 30 years. Those who know me, or are aware of my writings, know that I uphold the strict Vedic ideals regarding relations of men and women. However, I understand the Vedic position to be a very honorable one. Yes, I uphold the view that women are to be the subservient servants of their husbands. Yet, I also uphold the view that the man must responsibly and honorably take all good care of his wife and children. Thus, I bow my head to mother Rambhoru's feet for her past adherence of being a chaste and faithful wife. For this she is due all respects and honor. At least she presents, from her view, that she had tried to carry out that duty faithfully. And why she continued to carry one in this mood despite so many hardships she says was due to her understanding that this was what Srila Prabhupad taught was the proper duty of a proper devotee wife. It is the teachings of Srimad Bhagavatam as well. For her past adherence to these principles of dharma, I offer my obeisance's at her feet. Dharma is not a one-way street. Srila Prabhupad was a responsible grhasta man. He did not neglect his wife and children. He gave his children a family life. Hewas a loving and caring father and husband. He provided a grha for his wife and worked to maintain them honorably. Yes, the duty of the woman is to serve her husband and to assist him in his work, that is true, but that is only half. That describes the woman's duty. The man's duty is, however, to protect his wife. Protection also means to maintain the wife. Those who know me know that I support Srila Prabhupad's favorable instructions regarding polygamy. But, Srila Prabhupad stressed that taking more than one wife meant real marriage. It was not to be a farce. (refer to room conversation on VAD at the New Orleans farm August 1, 1975). On June 28th, 1977, also a talk on varnashram dharma, Srila Prabhupad said, "You can have more than one wife, but maintain them just like wife. She many not have any complaints that, 'My husband cannot maintain me'". What is true of taking more than one wife is true with one wife also. Of course, we maintain according to our means. Vaishnav Brahman may live very simple, and thus may only provide the basic simple necessities of life for his dedicated wife and child. That is acceptable. That is an acceptable form of "maintaining" the wife. But, at least according to Rambhoru's story, she tells of a man who did not properly maintain his wife, to supply at least an acceptable standard even for a Vaishnav Brahman. Not for a mother with children to have to live in a small room and share the toilet facilities with 20 other women, without any direct physical support of her husband, who lived nearby, but separate. Sure, one may be materially poor and not be able to afford. But, at least the man should be there physically for the wife. She makes it appear that she had to raise the children virtually on her own, without her husband's physical help. Yet, he lived nearby in better quarters and facilities. This is not at all honorable. This is not a respectable or honorable way to treat a women - what to speak of one's own wife. Both as temple manager he was responsible to provide a proper and honorable arrangement for such a mother with children, what to speak of his responsibility as a husband and Vaishnav father. However, again, we cannot take too harsh judgment only hearing one side. I know neither party, I do not know if she may have exaggerated part of the story or gave a reliable account. So, I must remain reserved in any judgment. Still, what I wanted to say was that, based on her side of the story, I support her view that Prthu owes both her and his sons his time and involvement. Rather, I am amazed by this women's faithfulness that she would even make that request. Most women of this age under similar situations would have long left such a husband and tried to remarry another man. The fact that she would accept his support is another sign of her chastity, and again, I respect her for this. I support the Vedic concept of proper roles for women in society, but not for women only. I equally support the proper roles and duties of the men toward and for women. What she describes was a man who failed miserably in his duties as father and husband. Again, I am saying this based on what this mataji has said. Still, if it is even partially true, I support her view that he should take up his proper responsible duty and provide proper support and protection (which includes maintaining and providing some comfortable means of living) to his wife. Even if the sons are now older and it would seem to be his time to look toward sannyas, I agree with the Mother's view that he has an obligation to repay. If her story is correct, in his case, his renounciation would be to serve his wife and family and try to make up to them what they did not have for most of their lives. I offer mother Rambhoru my heartfelt obeisance's and respect her for her devotion to Srila Prabhupad for having been a pillar of chastity and carried on with her service to her husband as her duty to Srila Prabhupad. She is to be honored and respected for this, and she only has my respect, at least based on what she has said. It appears that she remained faithful to her husband for many long years through all sorts of hardships and difficulties for one main reason, because she knew it was her duty, according to Srila Prabhupad's teachings, she knew it was her dharma, her duty. As she mentioned, Krsna knows her heart. I know what it is like to sometimes have performed some austerities in performing some service - and materially seeing it never to come to fructify. Yet, I know that Krsna teaches not to be attached to the results - to the material results. What He appreciates is our endeavor to serve Him. As long as we engaged in serving Him, endeavored to please Him, as long as the bhakti is there, for that He is grateful, regardless how it may appear materially. Regardless of the material result. We are not serving Krsna for the material fruits of our labor. Rather, we are building spiritual credits. Our reward for our service is to return back to Krsna's abode. That is the result we are working for. Not for material success in marriage, or any other thing. I read this mother's story and greatly appreciated her level of chastity and faithfulness. Please, do not let those good qualities down. They are your real strength. They make you worthy of all respect and honor. A religious or righteous woman is glorified for her chastity. That is dharma. Krsna appreciates your service as a faithful wife, even if the husband does not. The point I mean to make is that as long as you faithfully carry out your duties in this world, in this life, that is all that really matters. Whether or not the material results are as we want, don't be attached. Whether or not the husband or the wife follows their duties properly or not, don't let that hinder our responsibility to follow our duty. Manu Samhita teaches that even if the husband is devoid of all good qualities, the duty of the wife is to remain submissive. Srila Prabhupad also wrote that a wife must remain submissive to her husband up to the point that he becomes a complete naradhama. The lowest of man. He described naradhama to mean a man who is attached to all 4 sinful ways of life, who is a non-devotee and belligerent toward Krsna and His devotees. Only if the man has sunk that low can a wife leave him - and yet she should not go seek out another man, but simply live separately. Women who live like this are not at disadvantage. The point is, we each must perform our duties even if the other party does not perform theirs. We should not hold up as excuse that, since my husband has not performed his proper duty, I can abandon mine. Our duty is not to the wife, or the husband, our duty is to Krsna and Spiritual Master. Thus, whether someone else proper performs their duty does not matter. What matters is that we perform our duty - that will endear us to Krsna. That is all I have to say for now. Your fallen servant, Ameyatma das Ameyatma@16108.com You can view my dharma pages at www.16108.com Contact VNN about this story  Send this story to a friend
NEWS DESK | EDITORIALS | TOP |
